Be careful what you wish for…

Dear Writer:

Thank you for your recent submission. Unfortunately, it does not meet our needs at this time.

Due to the volume of submissions, we cannot offer detailed critiques. However, by popular demand, we are pleased to offer a checklist addressing our most common reasons for rejecting a manuscript. Each checked item indicates a reason we have declined your submission.

Once again, thank you for your submission, and best of luck with your writing.

_____ We publish hard science fiction. That means our stories must have some element of (gasp!) science. Yours does not. And no, elves with ray guns doesn’t count.

_____ In order to evaluate a manuscript, we must be able to read it. Believe it or not, when we say typed double-spaced, we really mean it. Please have someone read you our writer’s guidelines at your earliest convenience.

_____ We are very glad you enjoyed writing your manuscript. However, we did not enjoy reading it, not one little bit. Normally we would suggest submitting it to another publisher, but we cannot think of anyone who deserves it. You may wish to inflict it on your friends, assuming you have not already done so and have some left.

_____ We thought it was obvious that we are a science fiction magazine, not a book publisher. Since your manuscript is over the 20,000 words limit specified in our submission guidelines, we are evidently not clear on this point. Please accept our apologies along with your returned manuscript.

_____ We assume you put many hours of thought into your unique and original plot. Unfortunately, so do the hundred or so other writers who submit the identical unique and original plot each month. Please try actually reading science fiction before attempting to write it.

_____ On occasion we enjoy fanfic. Lawyers enjoy fanfic even more, since they can win a hefty settlement for copyright infringement. Since we do not have funds to fend off a legal challenge, your submission is declined.

_____ Judging from your manuscript, you have begun to learn English. This is an admirable undertaking. We recommend you become fluent before submitting another manuscript.

We hope you find these suggestions helpful. We always look forward to discovering new talent. Unfortunately, you don’t have any.